The Silent Scream

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I don’t know about you, but there are days when I look relatively normal on the outside while I scream silently inside. I’m an equal opportunity person so sometimes I want to scream about work, sometimes about home, sometimes about my health, and sometimes about me. I don’t show any favouritism. I allow myself to be irritated by about anything. Even better, I don’t necessarily limit my irritation to be about one thing at a time. I’ve been known to allow the emotions associated with multiple negative events/people to build up until I’m not even sure why I feel tense, why I’m suddenly angry at everyone, and why I react so strongly to an every day event.
 
Reasons for the scream
There are many reasons why we may have silent-scream moments. The following are a few examples, but I’m sure you have some of your own:

• Conflict is to be avoided. Many of us have been taught to avoid conflict. We don’t want to make a scene. We don’t want to argue. We’re not sure what will happen if there is conflict, especially if we’ve always just gone along with whatever someone else wanted to do.
• It’s no big deal.  We convince ourselves that what’s irritating us is really no big deal and that we don’t have the right to feel angry about it. We may tell ourselves that the only person being hurt is us, so it really doesn’t matter.  
• Others have it worse. We compare what’s irritating us to what others have going on in their lives. We tell ourselves that we are really lucky and don’t have the right to feel angry about something that is trivial by comparison.
• No one to talk to. Sometimes we don’t have anyone to talk to so that we can explain/describe our frustration to someone who will understand. There’s no one to listen and provide a fresh perspective that may help us to work our way through the source(s) of our irritation.
• Not the right place or time.  Strong emotions can surface at the most inconvenient times. We could be talking to our boss. We could be in a grocery store. We could be out for dinner with a group of friends. Sometimes, because of timing, we suppress our feelings. We tell ourselves that we will deal with it later and then later never comes. We tell ourselves that now we’ve left it too long to deal with it, so it never gets resolved.
• Not recognizing the signs. We get in the habit of dismissing our feelings to the point where we skip the silent scream stage and go straight to feeling ready to explode all the time. At least with a silent scream there is hope that the source(s) of the problem can be dealt with before it explodes onto the scene.      
• Keeping quiet and maintaining control. Our screams remain silent because, unless you are in a horror movie, screaming is frowned upon. We are not to draw attention to ourselves. We are encouraged to always remain in control…especially of our emotions.    
• No place to scream. Wouldn’t it be great if there were designated screaming areas just like there are smoking areas? A sound-proof area would be even better. We could release the pent up anger without directing our feelings (full-force) at our family, our co-workers, or a perfect stranger. 

​Anti-scream techniques
I used to use the hide-under-the-blankets technique but it’s never really worked. It’s been a way to give myself some privacy and the mistaken belief that no one can find me.
However, since I’ve already told you that it doesn’t work, the following are a few techniques that you may want to use:

• Communicate your anger or frustration. If possible, talk to someone; you may even have to resort to using a phone. This is a case where texting is not the best approach. Instead, write down your feelings. Use an old-fashioned pen and paper or use some form of computer. It doesn’t matter how you do it. You don’t have to share what you wrote with anyone.  The important thing is to express those feelings in some way.  Don’t keep them bottled up inside.
• Figure out the source of the problem. If you only deal with the emotions and not the reason for those emotions, you will not get the resolution you need for your piece of mind. The irritation will just keep resurfacing over and over again.
• Do something physical. When you have silent scream, you are keeping energy bottled up inside. If you do something physical, you are doing something productive to release that energy. You may want to exercise in a gym, go for a walk, declutter your closet, work in your garden, or just dance to your favourite music.
• Laugh. No one has to be positive all the time. Laugh at something funny or try some laughter yoga. You can laugh just for the sake of laughing. Research has shown its benefits.
• Find a source of distraction. You could read, knit, or watch a movie. While you still have to deal with your emotions, sometimes a short break from reality is good.
• Assign it a number. Sometimes we give each twist or turn in our lives the same priority. Not everything can be a 10. Sometimes you have to assign a priority. You can tackle the big ones and the little ones seem to go away. Sometimes dealing with the little things gives you the energy to deal with the bigger issues.
• Deal with one thing at a time. Problems can sometimes create other problems. Deal with one at a time so that you don’t feel overwhelmed.
• Take care of yourself. If you don’t get enough sleep or eat properly, you can’t think clearly and it’s easy to blow things out of proportion.  Part of taking care of yourself includes being kind to yourself. Remember that you are likely your own worst critic. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Respect yourself enough to take your emotions seriously. Don’t belittle them or yourself.
• Get professional help. There is no shame in asking for help. In fact, it takes a lot of courage to admit that you can’t deal with everything on your own and to ask a professional for assistance.

Do you sometimes experience a silent scream? If you do, what helps you to deal with it? What prevents you from dealing with it?
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Don’t be silent when it comes to your mental well-being.