The Power of Words

---

It takes so little to make a big difference in someone’s life.  The irony is that you don’t know what that something might be. At a time when we’re told to dream big and to set goals to do amazing things, we can lose sight that the little things we do can be just as important.  The words we choose to say can be just what someone needs to make it through the day. It can be as simple as saying good morning to someone when they’re feeling invisible, like no one cares.  On the flip side, I’ve seen two people wish someone good morning and watched as the person never responded to either person. I had never seen this before. Clearly that person never got the memo about the power of words and how they’re used.

Online Games
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but online games like Candy Crush have gone from a tone of encouragement about just how close you are to completing a level to making you feel like you have just done the worst thing in the world.  Now, when I don’t reach my goal, a ‘Give Up’ button is displayed for me to select so that I can end this game and start another one to try again to beat the game. I am somehow a failure because I didn’t persevere by paying actual money to purchase items that will allow me to continue. How can you feel good about selecting a button that gives you a sense of failure? When I ultimately select the button, I get further chastised when a message is displayed that tells me I have ‘failed’ to achieve my goal.
​
These wording changes may not seem like a big deal but the feeling they generate effectively demonstrate the power of words and how they are used. 

Simple Acknowledgements
There are simple ways that we can acknowledge people each day with just a few words:

• Tell someone when you think they’ve done something good. Don’t assume they know they do good work. You don’t know what kind of day they’re having, so a thank you on a tough day can be a key factor in a person’s decision to stay with a company or look for work elsewhere.  Personally, a little bit of praise or recognition can make my day or even my week. Sometimes it replays in my mind months or years later.  
• Recognize the tasks that your children complete even if they didn’t do everything on their To-Do list. While they have to be reminded of the tasks they didn’t complete, no acknowledgement of what they did complete means there is no point in them doing anything on the list. It doesn’t have to be everything or nothing.  As a parent, even something is good.
• Tell people when you’ve been thinking about them. There are people in my life that I don’t see every day, but I try to drop them a brief email or text just to let them know that I’m thinking about them.  
• Repeat something back to someone when they tell you something and then go one step further and provide feedback on what they’ve said.  For someone who doesn’t feel like they’re being heard, this method of acknowledgement is critical.
• Comment, Like, and share blog posts and online articles. Let people know that you have read what they’ve written.

Mistakes
We’ve all made mistakes. Sometimes the words we use are not quite right. Sometimes there is an unintended tone to our words. Short and to-the-point emails may be seen as efficient by the person sending the email while the person receiving it can interpret it as being rude and condescending. Telling someone with breast cancer, “If you have to have a cancer, you have the best one.” may be meant to comfort the cancer patient, but the cancer patient finds it hard to believe that they’re lucky and that there’s a ‘good’ cancer. 

Part of the problem is that so much of our conversations are online (for example, social media, texting, email), which makes it more difficult to read people’s reaction to our words. When you’re online, a small misstep in wording can escalate into a problem especially there is an interpretation that there is a bit of attitude in the mix. Since much of the communication is in short bits of text, it’s quite easy to see a bad tone when there may not be any. Without the luxury of seeing someone’s face, reading their body language, and actually hearing the tone of their voice, the odds increase that we will say the wrong thing at the wrong time in the wrong way. 
  
Once you you’ve made a mistake, open communication with the person, possibly in person or over the phone (not texting), is the best way to ensure that the same mistake is not made twice. Taking the time to correct the mistake shows you care.

Absence of Words
Here are some scenarios where the absence of words is more powerful than using them:

• Sitting with someone in total silence can be all that someone needs when they want human contact but don’t really want to talk.
• Squeezing someone’s hand, giving someone a hug, putting a hand on someone’s shoulder may be powerful when you don’t really know what to say.
• Reading a toxic text message when someone needs to vent but not responding right away because you know the person is venting and needs some time to calm down before they’re ready to receive any feedback.
• Using ‘the look’ in a good way (not to scold), a nod, a smile, or a wink to show someone you understand what they’re going through or at least feel for them.  
• Giving the nod to other drivers to thank them for giving you the space you need to change lanes or make a turn when the line of cars seems to go on forever.
• Laughing at a situation. Sometimes you just have to laugh or you’ll cry. It’s even better when you have someone to laugh with or when you laugh so hard that you actually cry.

Make a Difference
Only you can decide when to use words or eliminate them entirely based on the people involved and the situation. Whatever you decide, recognize the power of words (or lack of them) and think before you say or do something. Even the simplest words and gestures can have a big impact. Try to work a positive comment or gesture into each day and you’ll help not only the people around you, but you’ll also feel a difference in your life.